The views and opinions expressed in O'Keefe's Briefs(tm) are not necessarily those of The Management. In fact, they are very likely not even the views and opinions of the writer, the typeface designer, god or the President of the United States. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who shares the extraordinary worldview expressed below, and should you, run. Far and fast. The Management would also like to point out that any references or similarities to any persons living, dead, or undead are entirely coincidental since we all know there are no such things as zombies anyhow.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The End is Nigh (or the Obligatory Meta-Blog)

By way of introduction I figured I’d start with a piece about O’Keefe’s Briefs and blogging in general. First off, thanks for reading. Whatever brought you here, be it intention or accident, I hope you enjoy what you read, and come back for more.

What the hell is a blog anyway? Well, Wikipedia defines a blog as “a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video.” That narrows it down doesn’t it? It sure is a good thing we have Wikipedia for all of our academic needs.

Blogs represent the democratization of the internet. Free exchange of ideas and all that jazz (a concept which on the surface at least, sounds like a good idea.) It begs the question, though, what if most of the ideas being exchanged simply propagate mediocrity, perpetuate ignorance, or are just plain stupid? In researching blogs for ideas about what O’Keefe’s Briefs should be, (and by research I mean clicking the ‘Next Blog’ button at the top of the page for a half an hour at a sitting over the course of several sessions) I discovered that most blogs tend to be about babies, cats or Jesus, or are selling something. These are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and it’s worth noting that most blogs seem to be in Spanish or Portuguese. Of the blogs I could comprehend, most were self-absorbed and masturbatory; forget the fact that the English language appears to be merely a set of loose guidelines people use as they repeatedly whack their keyboards in trancelike fits of self-aggrandizement. However, I hold the pessimistic hope that if I were able to read those foreign-language blogs, they too, would be just as narcissistic ensuring that, at least, the English speaking world doesn’t contain all of the world’s douche-bags. I think it’s fair to say that blogging represents the beginning of the end of the internet, and don’t even get me started on Twitter. I’m not going to participate in something I can’t even conjugate. (tweet, twit, twat?)

“But, Don,” you might be thinking, “if you think blogging is so bad for society, doesn’t O’Keefe’s Briefs make you a hypocrite? Kinda-sorta? Maybe?”

I would answer you thusly: first and foremost, my enormous ego does not even permit the slightest speculation about the possibility of hypocrisy on my part. Second, I am a writer. (Pronounced wry’tah, not forgetting to roll the first ‘r’. Additionally, for added effect, one ought to cock an eyebrow and hold his arm aloft with the hand positioned as if cradling the skull of a Danish court jester.)

So, because I am a writer, blogging is exactly the sort of thing I should be doing; that is: writing. I’m approaching this whole thing as an experiment or exercise. It is not my intention to dash off a few ill-thought-out lines of trashy prose on a bi-monthly basis with the intent of increasing the volume of virtual noise that already exists. Nor do I wish to bore my readers. (Kindly note the optimistic use of the plural.) What kind of topics I will write about is as yet unclear to me. I was recently working on a blog about the Smurfs to be written in a pseudo-scientific voice; however, the idea had to be scrapped after some initial research. Firstly, Smurfette is not a natural born Smurf, but was created by Gargamel. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, the Smurfs were created by a Belgian, not a French Canadian as I’d previously assumed. (Because French Canadians come up with some of the most whack shit: poutine, The Safety Dance, Celine Dionne, etc.) So, there’s one blog you won’t see, but I think hints at what you can expect.

In closing, I just want to say, thanks again for reading and your comments are welcome. Enjoy the show.

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