The views and opinions expressed in O'Keefe's Briefs(tm) are not necessarily those of The Management. In fact, they are very likely not even the views and opinions of the writer, the typeface designer, god or the President of the United States. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who shares the extraordinary worldview expressed below, and should you, run. Far and fast. The Management would also like to point out that any references or similarities to any persons living, dead, or undead are entirely coincidental since we all know there are no such things as zombies anyhow.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

This Brown Life - Bonus Material

Hey Kids! Here are a few more ways to fight the planet:

Request extra towels every time you check into a hotel. Do this daily.

High Hair. The higher the better. Use lots of Aerosol hairspray.

Buy bottled water. Lots of it. Use it for bathing, watering the plants, your slip-n-slide.

Only drink your coffee from styrofoam cups. Use a new cup every time.

Mow your lawn and your neighbor's. Salt the earth.

Paint trees better colors than Brown and Green; use lead based paints.

Breed like crazy and use disposable diapers. Wear diapers yourself.

Leave the faucet running when brushing your teeth and your hair.

Use only British Petroleum.

Burn your garbage.

Leave the car running when you duck into the theater for any of the Lord of the Rings movies; even better a marathon.

Eat only produce from another hemisphere.

CoalTM: The anachronistic fuel source of the future's past, today!

Why walk when you can drive to your neighbor's house for a cup of bleached white sugar?

That's all for now! Feel free to post your own ideas for Living Brown in the comments section below.

Monday, October 18, 2010

NeoLog CE2010.10.18

When I ran the idea for this new NeoLog past my wife, I asked her if it made sense; whether anyone would want to take the old meat train to tuna town without the guarantee of getting off. She looked at me flatly and said, "It happens all the time," then she walked out of the room.

Great! So without further ado:

Fuckvergnugen - (n) - kind of like a the sensation you feel leading up to a sneeze. To date, most talk about sexual pleasure has revolved around the orgasm. And that's cool n'all, but how do you describe the specific pleasure of hiding the salami? Until now, we've had to rely on the orgasm as the sole motivation to get someone else to bump uglies. I mean, without the promise of the big event what's the point? Let's be honest, fellas, sometimes we just don't have it in us whether the reason be alcohol, rough day, gender, or whatever. (I understand that this does not make the ladies very happy. I'm usually asleep by then, but my source is reliable.) Now you can knock those very sensual boots for the sheer fuckvergnugen of it! Much like the -corporate sponsorship pending- catchphrase of the '90s from which fuckvergnugen derives, sometimes it isn't about the destination, it's about the trip. Enjoy the ride!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Driven to Distraction? Me?

There is the slightest hint of the suggestion of a possibility that I have been spending too much of my time playing with GIMP instead of writing.

So while the Giraffro is proving to be a more difficult challenge than I'd first anticipated, the Oi Bear came off reasonably well I think. Enjoy.