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The views and opinions expressed in O'Keefe's Briefs(tm) are not necessarily those of The Management. In fact, they are very likely not even the views and opinions of the writer, the typeface designer, god or the President of the United States. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who shares the extraordinary worldview expressed below, and should you, run. Far and fast. The Management would also like to point out that any references or similarities to any persons living, dead, or undead are entirely coincidental since we all know there are no such things as zombies anyhow.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

This Brown Life - Bonus Material

Hey Kids! Here are a few more ways to fight the planet:


Request extra towels every time you check into a hotel. Do this daily.

High Hair. The higher the better. Use lots of Aerosol hairspray.

Buy bottled water. Lots of it. Use it for bathing, watering the plants, your slip-n-slide.

Only drink your coffee from styrofoam cups. Use a new cup every time.

Mow your lawn and your neighbor's. Salt the earth.

Paint trees better colors than Brown and Green; use lead based paints.

Breed like crazy and use disposable diapers. Wear diapers yourself.

Leave the faucet running when brushing your teeth and your hair.

Use only British Petroleum.

Burn your garbage.

Leave the car running when you duck into the theater for any of the Lord of the Rings movies; even better a marathon.

Eat only produce from another hemisphere.

CoalTM: The anachronistic fuel source of the future's past, today!

Why walk when you can drive to your neighbor's house for a cup of bleached white sugar?

That's all for now! Feel free to post your own ideas for Living Brown in the comments section below.

2 comments:

  1. I always get my groceries double-bagged: Paper on the inside, plastic on the outside.

    This is so I can both kill trees *and* double-fill the landfills. The plastic on the outside prevents the untimely decomposition of the paper sack.

    If you want to go further, coating ALL of your trash with Thompson's water seal before it goes out to the curb will ensure your legacy for many years to come!

    ReplyDelete