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The views and opinions expressed in O'Keefe's Briefs(tm) are not necessarily those of The Management. In fact, they are very likely not even the views and opinions of the writer, the typeface designer, god or the President of the United States. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who shares the extraordinary worldview expressed below, and should you, run. Far and fast. The Management would also like to point out that any references or similarities to any persons living, dead, or undead are entirely coincidental since we all know there are no such things as zombies anyhow.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

A Fucking Genius Proposal

Screw modesty1. Every day - it's more pointedly obvious now that Facebook exists to show us what's on others' minds - anti-intellectualism is becoming more prevalent in our society. Beyond the norm, it's becoming the ideal. We are on the precipice, at a crossroads, in the general vicinity of some other dire analogy!

Mike Judge's film Idiocracy is coming to pass. Now, I hate to be a doomsayer, but the end is nigh and it has what plants crave2.

While people with higher IQs tend to wait longer to breed and have fewer children, the slackjawed, moronity is reproducing at an alarming rate. Call me some sort of Ivory Tower3 East Coast intellectual if you must. That's fine.

I propose a movement in practice, identical to the Quiverfull movement, though instead of breeding Christian warriors for the apocalyptic final battle, breeding children from parents of higher intellect to counter-balance the quantity of ignorami being produced. Obviously, ideologically this is the antithesis.

"But Don! *gasp* This sounds a little bit like eugenics and you know who else liked eugenics!" You might be thinking or even muttering4. Now, let's be crystal clear here, I am not proposing that we sterilize anyone. Not at all.

What I am proposing, and I think most intelligent people can get on board with this, is more nerds fucking. Come on nerds, find yourself another nerd and bone down with extreme prejudice. The future of mankind is counting on you. We need your sperm and ovum and uteri, and of course your big beautiful brains. I'm certain that the irresponsibility of deliberately over-populating the world will be mitigated by all the newly-created geniuses ready to tackle the difficult challenges ahead. You know, like over-population.

Breed early, breed often, intelligencia! Grad school is already dragging on, why not birth a few kids during the process? Trust me, your adviser understands - he or she does have to advise your classmates after all.

Down with the nuclear family! Up with the quantum family! Now is the time! Before it's too late!

Give us you pent up gametes yearning to breed free!

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1 - Sorry, Jonathan!
2 - Electrolytes.
3 - This phrase never ceases to bring to mind the tower of the princess in The Never-Ending Story. JUST SAY HER FUCKING NAME ALREADY, BASTIAN!
4 - Hey, I think aloud sometimes, too. I'm not judging. I mean, I am judging the Godwining there though. You're better than that.

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