I know what you're thinking: Don, rape jokes are never funny.
Really? That's what you're thinking? Wow. Moving along.
In just over one month Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens comes out. Am I excited? You bet. Episodes I, II, & III were such a let down, but from what I've seen, VII looks legit.
From what I've seen - and that's the problem.
The problem is you, The Internet. I can't log into a single website or social network without seeing a link to some new footage with possible spoilers, toys with possible spoilers, fan theories with possible spoilers. I'm worn out!
The release date is almost here, but I'm afraid I'll be sick of the movie before the first reel finishes. And let's not even address the fact that there's always that one guy1 who has to see the very first showing, you know the guy - the asshole who immediately spoils the movie for anyone unfortunate enough to follow his feed.
So come December 18th, I will be avoiding social media, anti-social media, asocial media, and FoxNews until I can see the movie. Even then I will still probably avoid the latter.
1 - I assume it's a male, but hypothetically it could be a geek girl, too. I love a good, humorous hypothesis as much as the next MRA-bro2.
2 - Obviously, the gender of the example is merely a quirky convention of the English language. I think those MRA dudes are almost as ridiculous as those idiots and their goddamned red cup. I mean I'd prefer to get a handjob from that cute barista every time I ordered a cup of coffee, but you don't see me making a federal case over it. After all, it's just a stupid cup of coffee, and she probably has some pretty rough callouses anyway.
The views and opinions expressed in O'Keefe's Briefs(tm) are not necessarily those of The Management. In fact, they are very likely not even the views and opinions of the writer, the typeface designer, god or the President of the United States. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone who shares the extraordinary worldview expressed below, and should you, run. Far and fast. The Management would also like to point out that any references or similarities to any persons living, dead, or undead are entirely coincidental since we all know there are no such things as zombies anyhow.